


Self Indulgent Chara Angst I Wrote In 2016

by wearegoingtodie



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Chara (Undertale) Has Their Own Body, I Blame Tumblr, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Nonbinary Chara (Undertale), Nonbinary Frisk (Undertale), Other, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:42:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23550259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wearegoingtodie/pseuds/wearegoingtodie
Summary: The title really does say it all. Enjoy this Chara-centric short fic I wrote a long ass time ago. If I find any of my other old ones, 'cause this was supposed to be a series, I might jut put them here too. Anyway. This is horrible. Have fun. Also, the other characters aren't really important, they're only in the tags in case I forgot something and they're there anyway.
Relationships: nah - Relationship
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

To kill someone is inhumane; the act of a psychopath incapable of feelings. Or-at least, Chara has been told so. They have found, over time, that humans have an odd idea of what is ‘inhumane’-and that humans also only pretend to care what is ‘inhumane’ so they can hate other people. Humans are hypocritical, evil, bad...and Chara counted as all of the above, according to both humankind and themself. So, on the list of things humans dislike (not because it’s the odd concept of ‘inhumane’) because they don’t understand it, Chara was quite apparently there. First, they were gender-less, even in the short time they lived above-ground. Humanity as a whole seemed to reject the idea...didn’t seem to want to understand. Much less try to. Second, Chara had a weird fixation on knives. They often requested them, and when given the chance to have one, carried it around much like a small child carried around a stuffed animal or blanket. The underground was welcoming, Asriel was kind, and the monsters understood their gender. It was the most comfortable Chara had ever felt in their skin, the best they had ever lived. Even when they had come up with their plan, they promised themself they would always miss the home they’d made. However-they had never understood how the concept, or idea of killing, seemed to be bad. This did not change between humans and monsters-humans considered it ‘inhumane’, whilst mo-Toriel, and most other monsters seemed to deem killing simply wrong. Chara thought of Asriel as...a friend, they supposed. Better than the human kids who threw stones at them, at the very least. Asriel was a crybaby, though. That was apparently another difference between humans and monsters-monsters feel things very deeply and Asriel was ‘sensitive’. Chara couldn’t remember the last time they’d felt anything besides overwhelming calmness or anger. Toriel said that was unhealthy. They couldn’t care less.

Now-Chara had many times brought up killing people to the Dreemur family. Asriel always ended up crying while Toriel looked on in concern or disapproval. Asgore never seemed to truly respond. He simply handed Chara a cup of tea. (Chara did enjoy the tea, though, so he probably figured it would calm them down.) Frisk...also did not understand Chara’s love of their unhealthily violent thoughts. Frisk was another human, and Chara nearly immediately hated them. However, Frisk and Chara were not too different, morals aside, so Chara found themself empathizing quite a bit with the other human. Frisk was another gender-less, fallen child, who (and Chara had witnessed this far too many times) had a weirdly soft spot for Asriel. Chara...found themself growing attached to the determined pacifist. However, Chara mused, even Frisk, the famed pacifist who took on even Flowey and the God of Hyperdeath without so much as even trying to fight, got bored. They were more determined than Flowey, a being literally made of the stuff, so they had the ability to go back to SAVE points. Frisk...could RESET. (The creepy skeleton-the one with the freaky smile, who always seemed to know when Chara’s spirit was passing through-he knew about RESETS. Nearly guilt tripped Frisk into stopping.)

Frisk...had successfully completed a genocide run. Chara had appeared before them, smiling. They finally understood Frisk in all the right ways. They could rule the world! Destroy humanity! But, Frisk did not feel the same way. They didn’t seem to be processing what they had done. Chara’s beloved knife had slipped from Frisk’s grasp and it clattered onto the floor of the judgment hall, joining Sans’ dusted form. The Frisk who had just done the run may have been physically the same as the one who desperately tried to befriend even the most violent monsters-the same Frisk who had become ‘besties’ with Undyne, and yet, mentally...the two could not be more different. Chara watched, powerless, as Frisk was confronted with a choice. They were no longer able to have a happy ending. No longer able to save everyone. But they knew Frisk would try, because even when they killed everyone mercilessly and with the same smile as Chara’s, they still pushed ‘RESET’, and tried over and over. Frisk was determined. Chara was deadly. They supposed that perhaps they could never have been a team. But they would continue to watch...and steer clear of any freaks. 

(They felt their sins crawling on their back…)


	2. More Stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I found another today. So. I'll just put it with this.

Chara found it absolutely hilarious, the faces people make when they were betrayed. Every time they used Frisk’s body to stab Papyrus, every time they saw Toriel’s shocked expression as she crumbled into dust-it always made them laugh. That annoying short fuck never seemed to show any emotion outside of badly concealed humor, though. He just kept that horrible grin on his horrible face and winked. And every single time Chara faced him, time after time again, in the judgement hall, he kept the same annoying grin on his face, and every time Chara tried to stab him, all he had to do was lazily move out of the way. It pissed Chara off worse than Frisk when they decided to do yet another pacifist run. Every time Chara heard “skele-ton”, every time Chara heard “heya”. Every. Fucking. Time. It always managed to make them want to rip their skin off. And maybe that was a sign they should stop. They should just let Frisk have control of their own body, do their own shit, spare everyone. But somewhere in Chara’s mind, they took this hatred for Sans as a challenge. 

Chara had only managed to kill the annoying skelepunner four times, while the annoying fucker had killed Chara at least...at least a million times! But, for all the deaths Chara had suffered through...every RESET Frisk made...the face Sans made when he died-the shock, the betrayal, the crushing realization-every time, it was worth it. The only time his eyes reflected anything other the fake humor he had so easily convinced his brother was real, well, was then. So, even if it meant hearing Fisk cry, killing Flowey, and having to listen to the same song over and over again for days on end...Chara would kill Sans again and smile as his form slowly turned to dust. They remembered a timeline where they had taken at least a handful of Papyrus’ dust, and kept it with them until the fight, and then simply sprinkled it onto the floor of the judgement hall. Nothing major changed on Sans’ face-but his smile got a bit tighter, his eye lights a bit dimmer. And Chara lived for these microscopic reactions. 

They loved toying with people, with things, with reality-Flowey was entertaining for the exact reason that he did, too. Sans was an anomaly, because unlike the other very sensitive monsters, he didn’t show his emotions very easily. So any reaction besides maybe a laugh or his eyes going dark...was welcome. So, Chara continued taking Frisk’s control, no longer finding joy in the way their face collapsed or their sobs shook the shared body, and went in search of yet another genocide run. The ruins were always fun-Toriel attempting to reach out to Frisk, to guilt trip Chara. A nice little place. So gullible. Sans and Papyrus were...annoying. On top of Chara’s already apparent hatred for Sans, their dislike for his brother was a bit less murder-y. He was just, well, loud. Annoying. Chara didn’t like annoying things. (Chara didn’t like themself.) However, when it came to the first encounter Chara had grown so familiar to...they felt a crushing sense of guilt. Guilt was a weird concept to Chara, because they had easily killed themselves without feeling bad or guilty once for how Asriel or Asgore or Toriel might feel. (The feeling of buttercup petals itched along their throat. A suffocating feeling crushed them. 

The sudden urge to throw up came over them and their head spun.) But this...this guilt was horrible. Worse than anything they had ever felt-even the deprecating emptiness they hated for so long. They stopped. Paused. And pressed ‘act’ for the first time. Flirt, threat...the things Frisk did so casually were so unfamiliar to Chara, and they were hesitant in doing it. They got through the ruins without gaining a single EXP. Standing directly outside of the door was Sans. (That was new.) He looked down at the floor, seeing no dust, and watched Toriel’s retreating silhouette, briefly glancing at Frisk’s body’s eyes, noting that they were, in fact, red. He sighed. “We’ve got a lot to talk about.”

(The sins on their back feel lighter…)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I found the last chapter of this poor, old thing in my old google drive. ...it makes me sad, honestly.

The idea of ‘redemption’ was a new concept to Chara. Chara, who had mercilessly killed hundreds of times out of pure boredom. Chara, who had killed themself to kill others. Chara, who had possessed and used Frisk’s body countless times just because they could. However, Frisk (who was too kind in Chara’s humble opinion), told them that they thought...Chara couldn’t be that bad. That everyone deserves another chance, and Chara had only technically gotten one. Even Sans, who had crushed Frisk’s (Chara’s?) soul time after time again in the judgement hall, who knew what they were capable of, agreed with Frisk. It seemed a bit surreal to Chara that redemption was an option involving them, because they were not a redeemable person. Liking knives and having a creepy smile were not redeeming qualities, and the only other qualities Chara had involved murder. (Chara remembered a human named ‘Murder’, and another named ‘Mercy’. That had been fun.) Frisk seemed convinced about Chara’s ability for redemption, so they stayed quiet and didn’t argue. Arguing with Frisk got them in trouble-and trouble was the opposite of what they wanted right now. The redemption itself wasn’t the issue, perhaps, but who was offering it and why. 

After all, Chara was a villain, weren’t they? And weren’t you not supposed to redeem villains? Chara-despite their time in both the human world and being alive being brief-had gotten very far by arguing with people and something they had found interesting was the realm of villain apologists. People who, maybe, justified the actions of a bad character by relating to them, or used their backstory as an excuse. Chara was fairly sure that the bright, high laughter that used to be ripped from their chest as monster after monster, as Toriel, and Papyrus, and everyone had turned to dust under their blade was proof enough that they didn’t deserve redemption. Monsters were made of compassion and love-some monsters were made of LOVE. Chara had an awfully familiar feeling towards redemption-the same feeling they used to feel when they spared someone. When they were nice. When they didn’t kill Toriel. When they posed with Mettaton. When Chara, not Frisk, called the living Papyrus cool. When Sans told them that even if they weren’t completely innocent, they were not the genocidal maniac they once were. The feeling of hope. Asriel really, really liked hope-and dreams. His stupid ‘God of Hyperdeath’ thing was the coolest, Chara mused. Chara still didn’t believe it was genuine. There was no way someone could be that stupid-even Frisk, who was basically famous for being way too nice and innocent. Fuck-they had spared Flowey. Who fucking does that? Chara supposed that they had once done it too-long ago. Long, long ago. Either way, the monsters who knew Chara was alive seemed more than ready to redeem them and they didn’t understand. 

Even if they were redeemable (they weren’t), why would someone choose to help a murderer who had killed them, time after time again, in morbid curiosity? Someone who had killed a single Froggit and then wondered ‘what if I killed them all?’ Someone who had seen the kindest monsters they possibly could’ve, and thought, hey, what if...I stabbed this one? One who tortured someone for the fun of it-a ‘dirty brother killer’. Why? Chara couldn’t figure it out-and perhaps that was the lack of sympathy that they had driven themself to develop. Kindness got you nowhere, they used to tell Asriel. But lying does. The first time they killed Toriel, Flowey had shown up after, as usual...but he said something that would resonate with them, years after. “You killed her out of boredom. Truly disgusting.” But now...now, Chara wasn’t sure they could do it all again. They weren’t sure they could plunge their knife into Toriel’s chest, they weren’t sure they could handle a fight. Chara...was perhaps not ‘redeemable’. Perhaps not ‘right’. But maybe, some day, they will be. Even if they weren’t now. They could aspire to be a good person. They could aspire to be okay.

(They no longer feel their sins on their back.)


End file.
